The Fat Crawler Experience
Journal (November 2002)
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My Journal for November 2002

November 5, 2002
Ugh!  Election day.  I'll be so glad when it's all over so I don't have to hear anymore slander campaign and all about how much things need to change.  I don't know about everybody else, but the United States isn't so bad that we need all of this blatant, radical change...and did you ever notice that we only need it all during election time?  Moving on...  Cara came, and we had a great time.  Well, at least I did.  I don't think she had that great of a time.  There's just not much to do in Vermont.  It's small, and well, just really boring.  We went to the Ben & Jerry's factory, which was nice.  If you're wondering about my Weight Watchers, your concerns are justified.  I blew it completely while Cara was here, but don't worry!  I'm back on the ban-wagon as of yesterday.  Oh yeah, I almost completely forgot.  On the Tuesday night before I had to drive to Boston to pick up Cara, Mom and Luke, Jr. got in a really bad accident with my car.  It was the other woman's fault entirely, but it put me out of a car.  Mom got a huge gash taken out of her arm, and Luke didn't have his seatbelt on and hit the windshield.  Thank God he was fine.  The paramedics said they had never seen someone in an accident so bad, not wearing a seatbelt, and just walk away without serious injury.  He just had to get some little pieces of glass taken out of his forehead, but he was fine other than that.  My car, on the other hand, did not get out so easily.  I saw it, and the nose was completely crushed and compacted into a big metal mess.  Thank God for little miracles, though.  So long story short, I had to borrow my brother's car for a few days and I need to get another one.  So I spent five days with Cara, whereby I was supposed to see Nicole for the first time in person, only her grandmother was sick, so it didn't happen.  In case anyone was wondering, my and Nicole's relationship is quickly becoming one of very close and almost best friends.  It's great!  We share everything, and get along great.  She's going to come up here at some point, hopefully.  (Start planning, girl!)  Well, I have a French paper to write, so have a great day, and sign my guestbook!  No one has signed it in a very long time.  Later.
November 18, 2002
Okay, you know that waiting two weeks is definitely not like me.  Not a lot has happened, so let's review.  Today:  Just Say Snow!  It snowed about six inches here last night.  It was so weird.  Half an inch when you go to bed, and six inches when I wake up.  Anyway...Cara came and went.  When she got back, she found out that her boyfriend was migrating to the United States by less than legal means, but hey, that's none of my business.  Umm, poor Nicole gets the butt end of every deal.  Why are so many guys such assholes?  (Those assholes reading, feel free to take this one.)  My brother, Thomas is dealing with issues of wanting to be at school and dealing with his first serious relationship, and low and behold, now my housemate, Azar is in love with some girl who's only seventeen.  He's just twenty, but somehow it doesn't seem right.  Well, she's going back to Venezuela in a couple of weeks, so it probably won't go that far.  Oh, and guess who is still single and unloved!  Wow, I think you got it.  That's right!  It's me!  Now you win what was behind door number two; a nice toaster oven!  It's not bad enough that everyone's in love but me, but it just seems to be thrown back in my face an awful lot.  I'm also sick and tired of waiting for the damn surgery.  Some days it just seems like it's never going to get here.  I've just been waiting forever.  How do I stop the insanity?!?!?!?!  I'm also in the process of signing up for my final semester of classes, but the Registrar's Office doesn't seem to know exactly how many credits I need to take to graduate.  It's going to be a lot more than anyone else in school, let me just say that.  Most students take between 13 and 17, but not good old Danny.  He gets to take either 20 or 21...still to be determined.  Meanwhile I can't sign up for any of my classes, and they're all going to be filled up with Freshman, and I'll be screwed royally.  Oh, sweet justice!  Why dust thou mock me?  Okay, so I also went home this weekend, which was actually pretty nice.  My family went and saw Santa Clause 2 (two stars out of a possible five, but it was fun anyway), and I got away from school and rested, which was nice.  Now that I'm back, I have two days to pull together an event that I've been planning for some time, where I sit and cross my fingers and just hope that every one shows up.  It's an exposition of international proportions whereby local people give little presentations at individual tables for two hours to people who are walking around.  Please show up, every one, please...for the love of all that is good in the universe!  (Alright, whoever said that I am rambling like an idiot, I heard you, and you'll be docked ten dimerits.)  Okay, so I may have stretched the truth a little when I said not much is going on.  And on top of all of this, I want to be a country singer?  Oh yeah, you read right.  I still haven't given up hope on that little nut job.  Of course Sweet Mummy wants me to be a Spanish teacher, but she doesn't seem to care that I would rather slice open my feet and walk through a puddle of Tabasco Sauce than perform in said profession.  Ugh, why did I have to be a Leo?  I sometimes wonder if I have no grip on reality whatsoever.  I guess I'll find out when they do my psychological evaluation for the surgery.  *LOL*  I've also put up another very recent picture of myself, just before I cut off all of my beautiful hair.  (Boo hoo hoo...)  Well then, I hope all of this has made up for my lack of appearances over the past two weeks.  'Til next time, same fabulous time, same exciting channel, this is your 4 o'clock news team, signing off...
November 21, 2002
Last night the event went pretty well.  Ten people, total, didn't show up.  It wasn't nearly as big as it should have been, but I'm not a miracle worker and, quite frankly, I'm just glad to not have it hanging over my head anymore.  Umm, I woke up very depressed this morning.  I don't know why, because I'm usually a morning person, but it's all just starting to get to me, I think.  I seriously cannot look at my reflection without wanting to cry.  I really hate how I look.  I always feel sick, and I'm so damn lonely.  I know that I won't be lonely forever, but four years is such a long time to not have had anyone at all.  I also have to start thinking about what I plan to do after I heal from the surgery, because things will be changing so fast, and I also will have just graduated and will need to find a job.  I have huge, probably unfulfillable, dreams, and I'm not even qualified to do the one job I don't want.  It's not even a matter of wanting to do something else, but I adamently don't want to be a Spanish teacher.  Everytime that somebody mentions it to me, I just want to scream.  Okay, maybe I'm being dramatic, but I don't want to cater to a bunch of undeserving adolescents that don't even want to be there.  And what kind of teacher would I make if I didn't want to be there?  Not a very good one, most likely.  I want to sing.  That's all I want.  I get the winter blahs a lot, but singing really helps.  I shine when I'm singing.  It's the one thing left that I can still do well, but even that talent is dwindling.  I am so fat now that the weight puts a lot of pressure on my diaphram, and I end up not being able to hold notes as long.  And I'm not sure if this is the weight problem or just the atmosphere here, but I constantly have a cold.  Even in the middle of summer, I am congested.  I think it may be the environment, because I was almost never congested in Mexico.  It's all just so frustrating.  Well, I have class in a few minutes, so 'til later...  (Woo hoo, the fun never stops :-s...)

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