The Fat Crawler Experience
Anonymous Letters
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Anonymous Letters: A Coward's Lament

Anonymous Letter #1
I miss you.
I loved you.
I wish you had known.
Time passes too slowly and I look back and see it's too late.
I wish I had known.
But I loved me.
So now I miss you, and you're better for it.
Anonymous Letter #2
Can gladness and regret
Exist as one and the same?

Where crosses the line between
death and life? Like and love?
Prayer and begging?

Would you still look with abated breath
So close I could breathe your air?
I fear not for planes seen here
Are too vague for me to grasp

Perhaps love no longer flows
Through these veins aged so many years
And more, I've not aged as much I ought,
For one so piled with past afflictions

Take heed, I say to self,
For dealings of the heart
Can only lead to strife... further regret
Better be, lest I forget.
Anonymous Letter #3
Wake you like morning birds I try to ignore
Were you beside me in my door
No words would I need say

Like the chocolate I can't avoid
I wake up happily annoyed
That I can't drive you away

What I want, but never have
Able to block my leaking salve
But so far from here you stay

I anticipate my lonely fear
Cured only when I feel you near
But I kept you at bay

Today it seems that I have none
Though you showed some to this one
Revery bound by late dismay
Anonymous Letter #4
Requiem of desire
The beating song inside my head
Pounding the inner skull
Screaming your face to my mind's eye

Blue, like fresh-knitted sarapes on corners
Eyes, soul-piercing, perhaps seeing too much
Heightened pulse
I am exposed, but hide still quivering

Rampaging, aging soul
Unable to escape a face
Kindness, intuition
Strong enough to make. breath. stop.

Relieved at continued existence
Evasive shadows causing opaque silhouette
Are you returning here?
No, just a lamp

Scandalled heart
Intruding on unwelcome ground?
Open arms abbreviating fear?
Only if my face remain obscured
Anonymous Letter #5
Lying in my own wake
I wake to find myself weak
A week of want,
Where I don't want for wont

Nothing but good graces
Graced by gracing grasses
Growing grass making me high
Good golly, Miss Molly

Alright, that was dumb,
But fun nonetheless
Less I leased loose
Longing of lumbersome lodes

Happy at hearing
You heed my heart
Hoorah for having happened here
How's it going over there?

Land of lore?
Life a bore?
I've not yet seen that shore
Maybe you could tell me more
Anonymous Letter #6
I awaken
As awake as
Sleeping will let me be
And I smell the
Memory of smoke filled rooms
Choking my air
Making my eyes bleed
I'm a stranger in my home
Lonely in this sea of people
Failing to see the exit sign

I think of my anscestors
How they hated each other
Indian against French against
British against American against Irish
I am the love child of hate

Answers blowing in distant wind
Yet I can't find my stairway
Though promised me by
Not-so-ancient song
My zeppelin crashed into humanity
And my bones didn't burn

Fallen from grace never attained
Golden beams shining from my
Idealistic western paradigm
Time marching on,
Forcing my hands to shake a little more each day
Memories best forgotten, now treasure I fear I'll lose

Call my name
I'll catch you if my scorched bones don't break
Crying for me and you, oneness unsurpassed
Crying for creation with realization lacking
Deafening screams of my regretted actions
Slowly peeling away my skin
Baring the light shining within

The storm approaches and sees me cry
Passes me by, refusing to pity
My back strengthens and I stand up straight
I walk across the lawn twice
And collapse from exhaustion and defeat
Of my weakness

If only home were in our hearts
And not across rivers and mountains
Then could we find bliss from our shattered worlds
And discover the real one that was within the other all along
Anonymous Letter #7
Wheels turn below me
The song is elated and thanks me for singing it
Rapture and crimson mixing in the air
Deep breath - That's much better
Flowering buds of opportunity
I stop and pick the prettiest ones
I feel older this year, but wiser...
Saturday I'll be a grown-up
And all I can think of is summer grass

Keep smiling. You have one of the better ones.

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