May 6, 2003

 

Today was the last day of scholastic obligation I will have for a very long time, perhaps forever.  I had an exam this morning, handed in two essays, and then was done forever.  The rest is all formality, and I don't mind telling you that I am very glad about it.  I have a weird sort of calm about me now.  It may be even a little scary, but there is still a lot of packing to do, a meeting with a teacher/friend on Wednesday, then the process of graduation.  It is now officially less than two weeks (13 days) until my surgery.  I had the pre-op testing visit the other day.  Somehow I actually expected more to happen, but they had me fill out the same old forms from before that I've filled out ten times and they took a vile of blood.  I was so amazed because the woman hit the vein in one shot, which hasn't been done to me in about ten years.  I also weighed in since I was there.  *Drum roll please*......422.4 pounds.  Yikes!  But I have to say it's about what I expected.  I couldn't imagine what would be in store for my future were I not having the operation.  I suppose I shouldn't think like that.  I'm just glad it's finally here after such a long time of waiting.  It's been about four and a half years since I first asked a doctor about gastic bypass.  What a process!  I'm not scared or nervous, not even a little.  I'm just anxious to get it done and get on with living.  Well, thirteen days......I can wait that long. *LOL*  So I graduate this Sunday, move home that afternoon, situate into my newly constructed room (provided by my loving, fantastic parents), and then it's relaxation time.  Seven days of contemplation and probably a little pigging-out, but I plan to keep it to a minimum.  I haven't dieted in a long time, but I don't think I've gone out of my way to eat lots of food, either.  I think a lot of people go into this believing they will never enjoy eating again, but I've learned from my many post-op friends that this just isn't the case.  One can still enjoy almost any food, but now there will be an element of control.  That's the idea, isn't it?  I'll still be able to eat and enjoy my favorite foods, but now I'll actually want to stop when my mind says I should.  That's true power, my friend.  I am proud for the choice I have made.  I am brave.  I am not a coward for taking an easy road.  I have made a very difficult decision, followed through with an exceedingly difficult process that often looked never-ending, and now I get to collect my dues.  It's my right.  Self-control is my right and it doesn't matter by which means.  I hold the power in my hand (or should I say, my stomach), and I will use that power to better my life.  Happier, healthier life...here I come!