My same old mantra, life just amazes me more everyday.  It's weird how you can come to some odd conclusions about your life that you never realized about it before.  I feel like I'm discovering this totally new person that's been inside, who's not afraid of life and changes, and isn't afraid to finally be who he really is.  I love how things are going, and some seriously huge changes are about to happen in my life, and I'm actually looking forward to them rather than fearing them.  No, it all won't be perfect, but I'm finally getting the pieces to fit together, although not at all how I expected they would.  My spirituality is back on track.  I feel returning to the Church was a good move with a real commitment on my part, without losing part of myself.  I feel that my eating and exercise are now where they should have been for so long... so long.  I'm on this natural high, and I know it's cliche, but I really am.  I just feel good all the time.  I'm happy all the time.  And the same old crap is still going on in my life.  My parents are on, then off, then on, then off, then wanting to kill each other, then repenting and holding hands.  I'm still stagnant until the surgery decision is made, but either way, that whole situation will be coming to an end.  I'm getting my new leg brace soon, which is a huge full-circle ending on a large part of my life.  The weather is still sucky at best, around here, but it doesn't bother me as much.  I'm figuring out what I want in a relationship and what I don't, or whether I even really want one at all, and the kind of person that should be, and the kind of person I should be.  I feel, in a lot of ways, I'm returning to the innocence I was brimming with when I was younger.  It was gone for so long.  Too long, really.  I'm trying to see the world for the first time, again.  I regret a lot of things I've done, but I view them as necessary to have gotten where I am now.  And I know I'll still make mistakes, but I feel well-equipped to deal with them when they arrive.  There are so many things I still want to do.  Nix that, things I am going to do.  The graduate school applications are coming in, my debt is lower than ever, I'm working more and earning more money than ever, and I can see a way out without hurting the people around me.  And I can now see that, even though they would have no reason to be hurt by my plans, and I'm not even sure they will be, if they are hurt, they will do it to themselves.  I can't keep concerning myself with the happiness of others, as if I have some kind of control over that.  For so long I thought I could affect the emotions of others by sacrificing bits of my own life, but after a very long time, I have realized that that's simply not true.  I had the best of intentions, but all of the negative feelings I've had about my life were created by myself, not by how other people, or "life", has treated me.  I choose my emotions.  I've known that for a long time.  I've just never put it into actions until now.  I'm pursuing the things I want in my life without the fear of guilt and emotional repercussions.  I've held enough guilt in my life to last several lifetimes, and the only person that has ever even cared about that was me.  I hereby let the guilt go.  I did the best with what I knew at the time, but now I know better.  I can gain and learn from those bad experiences and mistakes, and my life is my own.  I am.