The Fat Crawler Experience
Journal (May 2007)
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My Journal for May 2007

May 6, 2007
R.I.P. Geo Metro (1994 - 2007)
After a second diagnosis of a blown head on the engine of my dearly beloved Metro (known to others as Pregnant Rollerskate, Piece of Chit Car, Basta Boia, and "Oh God Please Just Keep Going Forward"), I have decided to put the ol' gal down. The third cylinder put up a good fight, but the good always die young, and I felt it was better to let her die gracefully in a back parking lot instead of being again subjected to humiliation in rush hour traffic in downtown Burlington. Was it the exhaust that refused to stay attached, the leaky gas tank, or the rotted out sub-frame that we will miss the most? Maybe it was the way I had to jiggle the ignition key up and down to get her to turn over in that subtle little way she had, or how she could only accelerate about ten miles an hour max while going uphill from a dead stop. I will always think fondly of the driver's side window sliding off the track, the blown speakers, and the slipping transmission that made me feel so special. Or the way she burned almost as much oil as gas, and how you could look right through the rust holes on the sun-bleached hood directly into the squealing belts of her overworked heart.

Final services of departure were performed by my brother as his 8-month pregnant fiance pushed the determined machinery in desperation onto the bed of his trailer because the poor dear just couldn't climb the two foot high ramp with her own strength. Her last breath was taken as the exhaust caught on the edge of the trailer and ripped the muffler from her wounded underbelly, confirming the decision to make her suffer no more. It was a good fight and she will be sorely missed.

In her place I have purchased a sea green 1992 Ford Festiva that I have chosen to call "The Relic". Let the good times roll.

In lieu of flowers, please make donations to "Danny's Tiny Car Respite Care Foundation", where the money will be used to ease other under-sized vehicles through the transition from useful economy to worthless oblivion. Letters of remembrance and well-wishes are welcome.

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