May 6, 2003
Today was the last day of scholastic obligation I will have for a very long time, perhaps forever. I had an exam
this morning, handed in two essays, and then was done forever. The rest is all formality, and I don't mind telling you
that I am very glad about it. I have a weird sort of calm about me now. It may be even a little scary, but there
is still a lot of packing to do, a meeting with a teacher/friend on Wednesday, then the process of graduation. It is
now officially less than two weeks (13 days) until my surgery. I had the pre-op testing visit the other day. Somehow
I actually expected more to happen, but they had me fill out the same old forms from before that I've filled out ten times
and they took a vile of blood. I was so amazed because the woman hit the vein in one shot, which hasn't been done to
me in about ten years. I also weighed in since I was there. *Drum roll please*......422.4 pounds. Yikes!
But I have to say it's about what I expected. I couldn't imagine what would be in store for my future were I not having
the operation. I suppose I shouldn't think like that. I'm just glad it's finally here after such a long time of
waiting. It's been about four and a half years since I first asked a doctor about gastic bypass. What a process!
I'm not scared or nervous, not even a little. I'm just anxious to get it done and get on with living. Well, thirteen
days......I can wait that long. *LOL* So I graduate this Sunday, move home that afternoon, situate into my newly constructed
room (provided by my loving, fantastic parents), and then it's relaxation time. Seven days of contemplation and probably
a little pigging-out, but I plan to keep it to a minimum. I haven't dieted in a long time, but I don't think I've gone
out of my way to eat lots of food, either. I think a lot of people go into this believing they will never enjoy eating
again, but I've learned from my many post-op friends that this just isn't the case. One can still enjoy almost any food,
but now there will be an element of control. That's the idea, isn't it? I'll still be able to eat and enjoy my
favorite foods, but now I'll actually want to stop when my mind says I should. That's true power, my friend. I
am proud for the choice I have made. I am brave. I am not a coward for taking an easy road. I have made
a very difficult decision, followed through with an exceedingly difficult process that often looked never-ending, and now
I get to collect my dues. It's my right. Self-control is my right and it doesn't matter by which means.
I hold the power in my hand (or should I say, my stomach), and I will use that power to better my life. Happier, healthier
life...here I come!
May 16, 2003
Well, I graduated. It was a formal affair with my two living grandmothers, parents, and one annoying bro'.
(Oh, he knows I love him!) It was a really proud moment, then we went out to dinner, then I finished the monstrous process
of moving back home. It's been five days and I still haven't finished unpacking. Surgery is Monday, yippeeeeeee!
I just want to get it over with already! I'm not nervous at all. I'm tired of seeing the pity in every one else's
eyes when they see me for the "last" time. Sheesh, it's okay to be concerned, but people are really being over-dramitic.
Oh well, I suppose it's better that they care rather than not. Today we went and ate Chinese food and now I feel sick
for some reason. I've been to Heather's house twice this week to play cards. It's been a blast and she's bringing
her puppy over on Sunday, where they might stay for lunch. Well, this is my last pre-op entry, so I want to send
a special thanks out to my big supporters through all of this: Mom, Thomas, Dad, Aimee, Nicole, Bethany, Cara, Natalie
(yes, Natalie...), Kelly, Curt, Grammie, Stephani, Heather, Theresa, Brian, and anyone else I may be having a memory
lapse over right now. You each have touched my life in ways that you can't even begin to know and I thank you.
Take care and see you on the "other side".