The Fat Crawler Experience
Journal (June 2005)
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My Journal for June 2005

June 18, 2005
Well, I lived through the tummy tuck.  It wasn't the most fun I've ever had, but it wasn't all bad, either.  The anesthesiologist did a splendid job this time around, so I didn't end up puking and hacking for days afterward.  In fact, I was home by the next day.  The worst part of the whole thing was having the five drainage tubes.  After those came out, I could take a shower and have a life again, somewhat.  A couple of days passed, and that's about when the staples started throbbing.  I'm getting used to the burning sensation, so it's not bother me quite as much, but the first night they started hurting, I was crying because the pain was so bad.  Then I got terribly constipated (so sure you wanted to know that!).  Two almost-empty bottles of milk of magnesia later, I managed to force out a bouncing baby rock.  (Bet you wanted to know that too!)  So since last night, it's been more or less smooth sailing.  Then my parents found out my brother's been smoking and drinking, and kept staying out until one or two in the morning, always with some great excuse in hand.  Today they took away his car, and that's been the major drama at home today.  Oh, and I've had some bad run-ins with women and asking them out, or just trying to be flirty in general, and let's just say I don't plan on asking anyone out again for some time to come, if ever again.  I'm so sick of the run-around with no girl ever being interested.  I'm erasing number one off The List.  I don't care if I'm single the rest of my days.  Big whoop=tee-doo...  Love sucks, then you die.  End of story.  It's been a suck-ass week with suck-ass weather and suck-ass people.  Hey, at most I've only got about another seventy-five years to suffer it out.  See?  I can find the bright side to any situation.

June 20, 2005


Well, I just weighed myself, and I am amazed to say that I have lost thirteen pounds since my tummy tuck.  Boo yah!  So anyway, it's been a gorgeously awesome day, got my staples out, picked up the new Black Eyed Peas album, Monkey Business.  Quite possibly one of the coolest albums I've ever come across.  It's a must own!  Go out and buy it!  "You got to roll with da phunk, yeah!"




June 27, 2005


I realize I didn't really make much of a stink over passing a new milestone.  Since my tummy tuck, I have officially lost a total of 202 pounds.  Somehow I thought it would mean a lot more to me.  Don't get me wrong.  I'm so grateful for it, but I still have this awful problem of looking in the mirror, seeing the swollen abdomen, the pudgy face, and thinking about how much further I still have to go.  But I do have faith that it can be done.  I really wish I were allowed to swim right now.  I'd be in the pool or lake constantly, not even thinking about the fact that I'm struggling with a diet.  I'm eating lots of healthy, good-for-me foods, but I'm also eating a lot of junk.  I've only been to the gym once since surgery, against doctor's orders, and I'd like to get there more, but I just haven't been feeling the motivation.  I'm just going to say it.  My belly button looks like crap.  I've had people joke that it looks like both an ass and a vaglna, and to me it seems that it's somewhere in the middle.  It's too big for the rest of the stomach, which is not as small as its supposed to be.  But why am I complaining so much?  It's still better than the old flabby stomach, right?  I guess only time will tell.  Honestly, I kind of miss it.  Like so many odd things in my life, it had become part of my identity.  I could hide things under it.  It helped my oversized shorts stay up.  Okay, those aren't the best examples, but it's still a process of letting go.  I wonder if I'll feel like this when my boobs get the boot.  Somehow I doubt it, but I didn't think I'd feel like this now.  I just hope I can continue to lose weight.  That's the most important thing right now.




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