The Fat Crawler Experience

Journal (April 2003)

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My Journal for April 2003

April 11, 2003
Wow, graduation is coming!  I can't believe it.  There just isn't enough time for everything.  How in the world am I going to finish my thesis, tests, papers, and all the other crap I have to do?  There is also a show on Oprah about what it's like to be fat.  I know we've banded against her, but I'm hopelessly addicted.  I'm really interested to see how the show goes today and if the mention gastric bypass.  I guess we'll see. 
I also want to make something clear.  I am not anti-government, and not even anti-war, if there is a necessity for it.  I respect the opinion of people who believe in the cause, but I personally don't.  I don't like to hear arguments for it because I do not believe we were justified in going into Iraq in the first place.  They haven't found any "weapons of mass destruction" as of yet.  What a surprise.  Some very unjust things have happened to the people there, but unjust things happen to the citizens of most countries.  We simply got lucky enough to be born in one that is fairly leniant on the issue of human rights.  There are still many problems with our system, but it's one of the better ones.  I'm glad the war is winding down with minimal lives having been lost.  I was praying that Iraqi soldiers would surrender without much of a fight, and for the most-part, that seems to be what has happened.  I suppose if we had to go to war, this was the best possible outcome.  I just hope things keep going this way.  But I don't support the war, I won't support the war, and I won't support Bush as our president.  If you do, and you vote, that's great.  Honestly, I would rather have someone be passionate enough to vote for Bush than an indifferent person that doesn't vote at all.  I have a lot of family in the military and I just don't want to see them putting their lives at risk for an unjust cause, while also at the expense of many innocent Iraqi lives.
On to bigger and better things.  I bought a car.  It's a mint-green 1995 Ford Taurus.  It's a tight fit, but it has electrical everything, great acceleration, and is fantastic on gas.  It was only $1800, so I made out pretty well.  Now I can actually do things!  Aren't you impressed?  Well, I've got class in a few minutes, so I guess this is the end of the line......  (By the way, I've added a ton of new pictures on my Photos [Pre-op] page.  Check 'em out!)
April 16, 2003
Only 33 days left until my long-awaited procedure.  It's finally here!  Well, as soon as I graduate, anyway.  Of course, all I have to do to graduate is finish my thesis...and a history project, and a ten-page paper for my minor, and two essays for my business class, and practice and perform at our spring concert, and take two exams, and write a paper for my Latin American novel class, and write two papers for my Spanish Theater class, and take a section history test, and finish two papers for my Ethics class.  It should be a piece of cake.  Oh yeah, I have to pack, too.  Did I mention my pre-op testing appointment?  That will be on May 2nd, but hey, I've got time!  At least I'm not being teased today with nice weather.  Yesterday and the day before were beautiful, in the 60s and upper 70s, but today we aren't troubled with all of that pesky niceness.  I'll have a whole 15 degrees to keep me indoors and focused tonight, accompanied by our friend Freezing Rain and Snow Flurries.  Oh, joyous and frivolous day!  Ahh, spring!  The season of new life and rejuvination!  Doesn't it just make you all warm and fuzzy inside?  *Gag*  Whenever it's like this, a little piece of me dies just a little.  This is the best place in the world to live.  I highly suggest moving here.
Now that I'm through feeding you a line of shit, I'll get on with the normal business.  I am now the proud owner of a set of Dixie Chicks tickets.  That's right, on June 19th I will be in attendance at the Fleet Center in Boston, having the best time of my life!  We got pretty good seats.  I should actually be thankful that I'm in a wheelchair.  The concert was sold out a while ago, but they still had handicapped seating available.  So I and one guest (my brother, Thomas) will be heading down there.  My only concern is that the concert is exactly one month after surgery and I hope I'm feeling up to it.  I think I will be, but it's a concern.  I mean, it's a four-hour car ride, then we get in there and just sit, then a four-hour ride back.  I thought it would be a good way to celebrate my one month anniversary.  (I would love to hear from people who have had surgery if they think I will feel up to it or if I'll be overdoing it a bit.  I mean, it is four weeks after surgery and I won't really be doing anything physical.  Any advice from you experienced folks?)  I've never been to a real concert by a famous person before.  This will be a big first for me, and I'm totally excited about it.  I'm also going to Virginia Beach with the family in July, right before I'm two months post-op, so I will be having a very interesting summer with all of the action happening.  I'll also have to do some sort of job search, hopefully finding something related to Immigration and Naturalization Services (INS).  That would be ideal.  I'd also like to get a country band together back home if I can find musicians that are professional enough and interested.  I'm also going home this weekend for Easter.  It's been a while since I've been home, so it will be nice to see everybody and just have a few days off.  Well, there's just the little matter of aforementioned work I have to get done, so I'll cut it here.  Later.
April 22, 2003
Life is being particularly cruel to me right now.  I came back from Easter weekend at home fairly high in spirits, but I've since been attacked with the head-cold from hell.  I've been sneezing, coughing, and sleeping my time away.  Sleeping seems to be the only thing that makes me feel better, but there's another part to the equation.  My thesis is due Friday.  In order to alleviate this problem, I've been spending time out of class.  I sleep when I feel tired and after waking up, I work on my thesis until I have to sleep again.  I'm doing better than last night, when the cold was at its worst, but I'm sick of not being able to breathe and my ribs are terribly sore from sneezing so much.  I also have a headache from all the sleeping, but it's a compromise I have to make.  But at least I take solace in knowing that this is the worst of it.  After this week, it's all downhill from here.  My cousin's wedding is on Friday afternoon, so I will have to just hand in my thesis and leave.  Then it's back here to work on all my other projects, of which there are many.  I got an A on the last paper I handed in for my Latin American novel class, so all of the work's not a total loss.  And in even better news, surgery is only 27 days away.  I still have not been able to think about it that much, but I do feel myself getting more anxious for it.  I keep thinking of it as the date I start my "vacation".  Maybe it's the wrong way to look at the situation, but May 19th is the last day I'll have to worry about work or papers, deadlines, lying to teachers, tests, and anything of that nature, for a very long time.  I will be able to rest and just focus on me.  I'll be able to spend some quality time with the family, and I'm seriously thinking about just taking a year off from any kind of school or work so that I can focus on weight loss.  I could just go to the gym, watch the stars with my sister, go swimming under the bridge at Echo Lake, work at my parents' business, write songs and maybe start a band, start walking again, visit my friends and family that I don't see very often, go to concerts, read the books I've been putting off during my time in college, lounge in front of the television, and just live my life for a little while with no responsibilities.  Don't get me wrong, I will help out my parents with baby-sitting and working at their business in return for room and board, but I won't have the nagging sense of constant future obligations.  Wouldn't we all love that?  I might even substitute teach if I get bored, but I don't know yet.  I just see no reason to jump into life all that quickly, especially when I could really focus on losing weight and getting walking again.  Don't I deserve it?  Then, when I'm ready, I'll be well-rested and healthy for my new professional, and oh-so-adult, life.  All I have to do is make it to Friday.  Hahaha, sounds simple, huh?  The funny part is that I'm not nervous, not even a little.  I really expected to be, but I'm not.  I think that I must weight between 420 and 430 pounds now, but I'm not sure.  I'll find out on May 2nd, when I have my pre-op testing appointment.  I haven't been weighed since the date with my doctor.  I'm sure I've gained a lot since then.  I'm just as excited as hell about my new life that's coming.  Finally I'm going to get my slice of the pie (metaphorically speaking, haha).  So here it ends.  Y'all know I must be exhausted if I'm going to bed at 10:30 PM.  It seems like all I've done for two whole days is sleep, but I can't keep my eyes open any more.  Nighty ni...zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.
April 28, 2003
It's my negative three week anniversary!  Okay, that doesn't make a whole lot of sense.  It is exactly three weeks until I get the big chop!  I am totally psyched.  I have waited so long.  It's coming so fast now.  That's twenty-one days.  I can almost count that on fingers and toes!  I am just so excited about losing weight.  I'll feel so much better and be able to get outside and do things.  I won't feel so weird going to the strip club with my brother for the first time (I mean convent.......y'all didn't read anything!).  They're just unscheduled plans for now, but I've got to do my thing.  I've only been to one a couple of years ago and I actually didn't like it very much.  The drinks were badly over-priced and the whole place had this sleezy feel.  I didn't get a private dance like my companions did (or other sexual favors), but I did talk to some of the girls when they were on their breaks.  Leave it to good ol' Danny to make friends with strippers on a personal level.  One was just standing in the corner drinking a soda, so I asked her if she wanted to sit down.  We talked for a while about normal things like her family and the commute.  Soon her friend came over and sat with us for her break.  My friends were off doing their private things, so we just hung out for a while.  It was kind of nice, actually.  They seemed more intelligent and interesting than my friends.  They told me how stupid they thought men were for wasting so much money when most don't even get anything.  Apparently a couple of the other girls would, and did, shall we say.....felatiate my friends (*LOL* I'm such a dork) for around fifty dollars.  One old woman, completely drunk, who had obviously worked there since her much younger days, offered to...ummm....have sex with me, but I somehow managed to decline the enticing offer.    My friend told me that when he had gone to the bathroom, he saw the owner snorting cocaine in there.  Eventually we left and the girls I had been talking to said that they hoped I would come back and visit again.  It wasn't the best experience I've ever had, but I affirmed what I already knew was true before I went:  strippers are people, too.  So I can't say that I'm overly excited about going to another one.  There's just something disconcerning about seeing a girl's exposed, how shall I say, no-no places after she's told you about her father's inability to pay the rent or how she's waiting for her little brother to migrate from Haiti because the family couldn't afford to move everyone at the same time.  Well, I've once again managed to get about a thousand miles from where I had initially anticipated going with this.  The moral of the story is that I will be glad to finally have my surgery and be able to go out and do things with my brothers.  Camping!  That's something else I'll be able to do more easily!  (Like how I changed the subject so easily?)  It's already hard to sleep on the ground, but sleeping in general has gotten to be a more difficult process, and quite frankly, I don't even know if I could wedge my ass into one of those sleeping bags anyway!  I'm guessing I wouldn't be able to since I haven't been camping in a few years, and the last time I went, I could just barely zip up the bag.  I'm not that into camping, anyhow.  Oh, I almost forgot to tell the most important news.  How do I get off on these tangents so easily?
I finished that bastard of a thesis.  I was sick as a dog when I started, then I didn't sleep for two nights in a row, was in Kinko's for over four hours until 3:30 AM, but I finished it.  It was either that, or not graduate on time.  I've also been productive for my other classes, and now I only have about ten more pages to write, total!  Then I'll graduate and be done with school and learning forever!  Mwa ha ha ha...  Well, I will probably learn SOMETHING else at some point in my life, but all the major crap will end here.  Thank God for small miracles.  I was honestly beginning to wonder if I would ever graduate.  Now I'm on my way.  I still haven't set any plans in stone for after surgery, a long break is definitely in order.  Oh, I've also rekindled an old interest.  In highschool I used to read a magazine called Men's Health.  I just loved it, and I would always feel inspired to eat better and exercise after reading it, at least for a little while.  So now I'm thinking about getting a subscription for after surgery to keep me motivated to exercise and get to the gym.  I'm just so excited about everything that's about to happen for me.  I love to exercise, anyway, but it's gotten so painful that I rarely ever do anymore.  It will also be easier, so I think that exercise could easily become a permanent part of my life.  Well friends-o-mine, I've got a four and a half hour chorale class coming up (oh yippee skippy *rolling eyes*) because we have a concert on Wednesday night.  Keep smilin'!  ;-)

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