The Fat Crawler Experience
Journal (June 2003)
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My Journal for June 2003

June 3, 2003
I can hardly believe only been two weeks since I was lying in that bed gagging on Rexocet.  I feel so great now and it's like it was a lifetime ago.  Would I do it again?  In a heartbeat.  Honestly, the surgery itself wasn't that bad.  The anesthesia is what caused my agony on the most-part.  Now I'm up and about everyday and leaving the house on an almost daily basis.  I did, however, want to warn pre-ops about one thing in particular.  Specifically if you will have the procedure done open with a mid-line incision, you are going to need help in the bathroom.  I could not wipe myself for the first week after surgery in any manner because it was simply to painful to try and reach.  It may be an embarrasing topic, but this is a format to lay all the cards on the table.  I hadn't realized the necessity of someone to do this beforehand.  Luckily I have a very loving mother that had had a very lot of experience in such areas in the past.  That's real love, folks, when somebody will wipe your ass for you.  I just think you should be forewarned.  On to bigger (or smaller) and better things!  My shirts are also fitting much better.  I think I've lost all of my weight in my left "breast".  Talk about disproportion!  Okay, it may not be that drastic, but I'm definitely losing most of my weight in the stomach and chest areas, which is just fine by me.  I hope the double-chin is the next to go, however.  Alright, alright!  I'll tell you have much I've lost, but you may not believe it.  As of my two week anniversary, which was yesterday, I have lost...can I get a drum roll please?..............*35 pounds*!!!  Yay!!!  It's hard to believe I've lost that much already.  I haven't exercised at all; just the normal stuff from getting outside a little.  Isn't that insane?  I'm already under 400!  I'm counting my official weight before surgery as 427 because I couldn't stand still enough to be weighed at surgery and I know I gained at least five pounds in those last two weeks because I was really pigging out.  Now my un-official weight by the scale at my local hospital's maternity ward is 392.  Sounds good to me!  Well, I reckon that enough news to hold y'all over.  Not to mention my Dixie Chicks concert on June 19th.  Chicks rule!  "FUTK", hahahaha.  Later.
June 7, 2003
Monday will be three weeks.  I feel so much better.  The bedsore on my back is almost gone and doesn't really bother me that much.  However...I have developed a small infection in my incision because of stitches that didn't disolve.  This has happened before when I had knee surgery a couple of years ago.  It hurts quite a bit and is really red.  A lot of pus came out yesterday so my mom called my doctor at 9:30 last night.  Amazingly she was still in the office and told me to come up.  I wasn't looking forward to it because last time they had to dig the stitches out, but I braved the trip up there.  After seeing the troubled spot, she didn't look overly concerned.  She told me that she thought it was much worse because of the way my mom had described it.  She told me to take some antibiotics and put hot compresses on it and it should be fine.  I'm not so worried about the infection, but the pain around it is getting annoying and makes it hard to move in certain directions.  At least the muscles in my stomach are feeling better.  They don't really hurt anymore unless I sneeze or cough really hard, and even then it's not bad.  I'm looking into getting a workout bench that I can sit in to do Richard Simmons exercise videos because I can't stand, so I have to sit to do them.  My parents got new furniture recently and I wouldn't feel right destroying it for them.  One chair has already fell victim to the girth of my ass once in the past and it seems too cruel to subject the new furniture to the same demise.  I also want to try and build my leg muscles up some so I can get walking again.  I know physical freedom is still a ways off, but I've got to start somewhere.  So you may be wondering about Danny's social life.  Is it still interesting?  When will the next beautiful woman wander into his life?  Well, I've been wondering the same thing.  I've been contemplating a regression to Mexico, believe it or not.  Of course my financial resources are less than adequate, so for the time being I remain.  I also don't want certain people (i.e. Natalie) to see me until I've lost a lot of weight.  I still have to lose about forty pounds before I'm back where I was the last time I saw her.  I also don't want to make the trip until I'm walking completely.  Airplanes, buses, the whole shebang will be easier when I'm smaller and more mobile.  And you may also be asking yourself "Well, what about Natalie?"  Hmmm, how to answer that?  I suppose it's all wishful thinking, but I do have hope that there may be something left to salvage between us and maybe even start something, but who knows.  We still write to each other every week or so and she keeps asking me to call her and how long until I will come back or if she can come here perhaps.  I just make excuses because I want to look significantly different when I see her again and be walking at least with a leg brace.  Who knows what will happen, but I've come to a point where I have to start thinking about the rest of my life.  I just don't feel ready for that yet.  I still feel like I haven't gotten my chance to be young and experience the things that come with youth.  Of course, I realize that I've done and seen a lot more than some people ever dream of, even from my wheelchair, but I still feel like I missed a lot of the rites of passage.  Maybe there's still time...  but I won't get to them by sitting in front of this computer, now will I?  Gotta go!
June 24, 2003
As you may or may not have noticed, it is now officially summer!  Thank the lawd above that I have air conditioning.  Well, I have just been a busy little beaver.  Tomorrow is my big follow-up meeting at the hospital.  That means it will be my first "official" weigh-in.  This is a good thing because I believe I've made pretty good progress.  I've lost around forty pounds and I'm getting the eating and drinking thing well under control.  I'm also becoming more active and fitting in places more easily (i.e. my wheelchair).  So let's see...  The Dixie Chicks concert was out of this world.  Thomas and I arrived at the arena about five hours early because we are idiots, then Michelle Vranch opened, much to our surprise.  Then the deafening screams began.  It was beyond anything I could have hoped for.  On top of that, we got to see their new video that hasn't been released yet which goes along with the song Top of the World.  It was one of the best videos I have ever seen.  Absolutely genius.  It's almost like a movie, but I won't give away any of the surprises.  You'll just have to wait and see like the rest of the world.  (Oh, how cruel I am!)  I have also learned another valuable life lesson or two.  First of all, no matter how much people nag you to cut your hair, if you like it, don't cut it.  Second of all, if you do decide to give in, be sure not to let your friend's mother cut it for you because it will be free.  Let's just say I look like I have a poorly cut, low-sided mohawk.  Oh, how I miss my long locks of lengthy,  I've also talked with Natalie as of late, on the phone.  It's so weird, but when I'm right next to her it's an obsession, but over the phone or in letters, there's zip.  We have nothing to talk about and I don't know how I could have ever been as in love with her as I was.  It's beyond weird.  All I know now is what an idiot I must have sounded like all of this time.  Oh well, I guess we move on.  Mom seems to think that I should ask out and marry every girl that smiles at me.  *Sigh*... I'm not exactly in the best physical or financial state for all of that right now.  I am thinking about getting a job in the near future because I found out that I can and will not lose my Medicaid.  I'd also like to move to some sort of city and get my own place if that could ever be feasable.  But that takes money which necessitates time to earn said money.  I've thought about getting into property acquisition and rental to earn money, but I've probably just been watching too many infomercials.  I've also nearly stopped watching television.  Reading is just as entertaining and mind-enhancing.  I had almost forgotten how much I loved to read when I was younger.  This week alone I've finished The Lord of the Rings, In Tall Cotton, Germany Must Perish! (a pre-WWII propaganda essay), and am now in the middle of The Adventures of Tom Sawyer.  It's almost addicting, but I'm finally getting to read the things I've always wanted to read and getting caught up on all of the literature that one is supposed to read when young, but I never did for some odd reason.  I've got almost every famous literary work sitting on a bookshelf in my room or packed away in some boxes, all of which I plan to read.  A little over a week ago my little sister helped me organize my books by section and in the process I picked out eighteen that I would like to have read by the end of the summer but didn't know if I could.  However, at this rate, I'll be finished all of them by the end of July.  At least now Mom can't accuse me of wasting money on books that I'll never read.  Now I have to make a proclamation to all persons pre or post-op:  Beef jerky is the best food for the post-op person.  At least it is for me.  It has almost no fat, if any at all (depending on the brand), and doesn't upset the stomach.  In fact, if I feel sick from something I ate (which has been quite often as of late), beef jerky can usually settle it.  The only problem may be the salt content, but being as I've never had problems with things like that and I don't use much salt otherwise, I find it to be a great sorce of protein without getting the sick feeling from fatty foods such as hamburger and pork.  I also drink a lot now and have no problem filling my quota of liquids in a day.  I also started doing exercise videos again today.  I believe I've hit my first plateau and it hasn't budged, but I can only blame myself because of the lack of activity.  However, this week I've already been swimming at two different lakes and good ol' Dicky Simmons was pushing me on this morning (though I could only finish half of the video before collapsing from exhaustion...okay, that's exaggeration).  I'm also looking forward to fulfilling some of those goals I've set for myself.  I have a couple of friends that have told me they would like to go whitewater rafting with me.  I've also been thinking about taking up kayaking and Dad has asked me a couple of times about canoeing, but I think I want to lose a little more before that one.  The last time I was in Dad's canoe, about five years ago and about eighty pounds lighter, I broke the canoe's wooden seat right in half.  I explained this to him and he told me I could just sit on the floor of the canoe in the middle.  I don't really want to,though, because it's hard to paddle from there and if any water comes in at all, I get Wet Ass Syndrome (WAS for short).  Not too appealing, I know...  So I still have to think about that one, but we'll see.  I suppose that's my life for now.  Update on how tomorrow goes when I get back.  Later y'all.
June 26, 2003
Yesterday went well at the hospital.  I didn't get to see my doctor because he was called in for emergency surgery, but I wasn't sure if I was going to see him anyhow, so it wasn't a real disappointment.  My official weight loss so far has been 43 pounds, and I am just ecstatic about that.  I mean, it's only been five weeks and the most I've ever lost in my life, on my own, was thirty pounds in a month.  However, they told me that I'm not eating enough (imagine that), though in my mind, I think I'm eating too much, which is much more than I thought I would be able to.  Of course, I have to take things into consideration.  I can eat an entire crate of cherry tomatoes but only about an ounce or less of steak.  I can eat two small 4 ounce packs of beef jerky, but I can't eat a spoonful of ice cream without getting very sick.  I find that I can eat just about an unlimited amount of fruits, vegetables, beef jerky, and cheese (if it's low in fat), but any other meats, fats, or sugars make me feel sick or get stuck and cause me to...ahem...hurl.  The dietician said I need to try and eat more protein or try harder with the shakes.  I haven't drunk them because, frankly, they taste disgusting and the texture is gritty, but I promised to give it another try which I will be doing tonight.  I haven't decided to go fruity or chocolatey yet, but I'll make up my mind sooner or later.  Lots of people said I looked really good at the hospital and that *choke* they like my hair.  I can't tell if they actually do or if they're just being nice, but I still hate it.  Whatever, it will grow back...some day...when I'm old and grey.  I also did another Richard Simmons video this morning called Groovin' in the House.  I made it all the way through (barely), then showered, and was rather pleased with myself.  I personally don't see all that much of a change, maybe a little, but I do feel better, as I've said before.  I have a confession to make, also.  In a moment of boredom and utter weakness (and perhaps out of some guilt), two nights ago I went to my ex-girlfriend's house, who I dated in highschool, probably out of pure curiosity.  I still have no idea why I did it.  I didn't think anybody was there until a guy came to the upstairs window.  He told me that he had no idea who she was and that they've lived there for a long time.  It really shouldn't have surprised me because after she went to college, her mother must have moved because they had no friends or family in the area.  Sheesh, I probably shouldn't have told that story because now the evidence can be used against me, but whatever will be, unfortunately, will be.  "Shall I be pretty?  Shall I be smart?"  umm...I don't really know the words... "and here's what she said to me!  Que sera, sera.  Whatever will be, will be..."
June 27, 2003
"And we be bailan', there's no denyin', feeling hot, hot, hot!"  Alright, so those may not be the exact words, but it sure is hot.  Enough already!  I get the point.  I complained too much about how cold it was and now I'm paying for it in spades.  So Richie and I were sweatin' to the oldies this morning and my friend Melanie also dropped by for a surprise visit.  Tomorrow we will be going to Plattsburgh, New York to buy her "not boyfriend" a birthday present.  Oh the excitement!  I just hope it cools down a little before then.  This afternoon there will hopefully be an investment made by myself in beef jerky because I haven't had any in days, and it is killing me.  It's too expensive to buy little packages of it when I eat so much, so someone from my family (possibly me) will make the fifteen minute trip to the beef jerky factory to buy some serious beefage.  Today has been the typically exciting time of sitting in this oven of a house, watching chittlins (my name for the kiddies).  I even get the lucky pleasure of watching somebody else's son today because his father doesn't want to pay for a babysitter, so he brings his kid to work (which is next door to my house), where he knows we won't turn away a bored or hungry kid because we're too nice, and knows that we'll watch him for nothing every day.  The kid will stay here all day and his father won't even check on him to see if he's okay, or needs money, or anything.  It wouldn't be so bad except the kid always wants to sit and play video games or watch television, or the worst of all, look over my shoulder while I'm on the computer.  Some parents are so irresponsible.  If they didn't want children, they should have *ahem* put a bun on the hot dog.  In case you couldn't tell, I'm not crazy about chittlins in the first place.  I'm the oldest of eight and frankly I've had enough of child raising.  I feel like it's time for me to get a break from it all.  There has never been a time in my life when I was home and there weren't little children everywhere, and lately it seems like I am the only adult who is ever here.  My parents work later and later because there are more daylight hours (they have their own business) or they always need to go somewhere for the day and don't come back until after midnight.  It's not that I mind watching them so much as I don't really have any adult contact during my day.  Oh well, I suppose I could be thankful that I don't have a bunch of people bothering me for stupid things all the time.  I've continued my job search through the Internet, trying to get some kind of information from BCIS, which is immigration services.  They only have open call twice a year and they don't tell you when it is.  That is just to take the test to be considered for a job.  If you call the information line, you get a recording which is of little help.  If you call the center where things are supposed to get done, they either don't answer the phone, the line is busy, or if through some miracle you speak with a person, they tell you they can't help you and say to call the information line.  It's really infuriating.  I have a lot of immigrant friends and they say they hate going to the BCIS because nothing ever gets done and they are completely disorganized.  All the more reason they should hire me!  I'm not the most organized person in the world, but I like to get things done without beating around the proverbial bush.  This is just ridiculous, though.  I've been checking and re-checking up with them for well over six months now, and they still haven't had open call.  I suppose that's how the cookie crumbles, though.  Well, I supposed I've yammered on sufficiently for another day.  Hope your day is just a little more cheerful after having read my bickerings for today.  Toodles.

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