not even going to go into why it is so stupid for my little, all white, Vermont town to celebrate Cinco de Mayo, especially
when it's not all that big of a day in Mexico, so let's just recap on the rest of the crap goin on in my life. First
of all, it is only fair to warn you that I haven't had anything to eat all day except for a giant cup of coffee and two cough
drops, so my pessimism is currently at its highest. I weighed myself tonight and am at 239, which is the first time
I've been out of the 240s since I was in ninth or tenth grade. I did the car wash today, and that has just about done
my back in. I almost fell down when I got out of my car because the pain was so bad. I made quite a bit of money
today (though the lady who runs the post office unknowingly forbid me to get any tips for the biggest vehicles of all), but
most of that money went to my parents to pay back some of the cost of fixing my car. Tomorrow night I'm going to a karaoke
contest where I hope to win three hundred dollars. I could really use that money. My bills have been piling up
like crazy. As if not enough were going wrong, my computer decided to , and it's going to cost me another small fortune
that I don't have, to get it up and among the living again. Oh, and I have another, not-so-major, sunburn. Ain't
I just a bowl full of sunshine?
my soul to the company store no more! I finally paid off Mom and Dad with the money I've made from the car wash, plus
I made a little bit of pocket change to boot! Every muscle in my body is aching, but I'm glad for it. I know that
every car I wash is getting me that much closer to being thin. I also got another sunburn today, on top of the tan I
already had, but with my injun being about twenty-five proof, that'll make me pretty dark in a couple days. On top of
that, my muscles have gotten incredibly stronger, even within the last week, and I've lost another pound. I know things
get bad at times, but it just makes the sweet times like now, that much sweeter. I've also been hanging out with this
, Deveney. She's really cute and I want to ask her out sometime, but she's always so busy because she works two jobs,
plus her brother got in a really bad car recently, so she spends a lot of time with him. Mother's Day was alright, I
guess. Mom seemed to be okay with it, anyway. We went to New Hampshire because Mom wanted to go to Walmart
and eat dinner at Applebee's. It pretty much passed without too much incident, except we spent two hours at
the restaurant while all the tables around us were moving in and out like crazy. Our waitress was like the incredible
disappearing woman, never to be seen, and she spilt a drink on my mother, but we got thirty percent off in the end, and desserts
were free... though I didn't eat a meal or dessert. Oh, and there was a hair in my coleslaw. Oh, and when I was
at Walmart, I sort of flirted with the manager there in order to get a discount on these damaged socks my mom wanted.
It worked, and I think I made her day in the process. Hey, if I can help out my fellow man and solidify my own iness
in the process, who's it gonna hurt? Ha ha ha, so we got home late and life went on. Yesterday and today were
gorgeous days for the car wash, but tomorrow it is supposed to rain, and it's Bruno's day off, so we might go four wheeling.
He keeps asking me if we can, and I don't mind going, but there is supposed to be a lot of thunder and lightening. We'll
just have to see about that! And about the karaoke contest... I am going to the second and final round. I thought
that it was just a one night deal, but apparently I have to go back on the afternoon of the twenty-second, but I easily made
it into the top four that go on to the final round. My brother, Thomas, was not quite so lucky (and that's being kind,
hee hee!). I can still use that money, but I'm not sure what time the finals start, so I'll probably have to call down
there or something. I'll wait all day for three hundred smackers!
in excruciating pain, and loving it! Okay, I wasn't loving it about an hour ago, but Mom gave me a happy pill.
My jaw has been in a lot of pain on the left side for about three weeks, and it hurt so bad when I woke up this morning that
I almost started crying. So a little over an hour ago, Mom gave me some pain meds so I would shut up about it.
I have an appoint to see my doctor next Monday about it, but I dread having to wait through the weekend. And I don't
know what she can do for me anyway, because I mentioned it to her when I did my follow-up for my back, and she said she had
never heard of such a thing. Apparently both my dad and brother have a similar condition that I had never known about
until I got my own, but I'm not willing to live with this for the rest of my life. It really hurts bad! So this
morning, though the forecast had predicted rain, it was really sunny and clear. I went to The Garage to do the car wash,
but the sky was very deceiving. It was only about thirty-five degrees with a strong breeze, so after two hours without
a single customer, I called it quits and went home to do my laundry, which was, of course, long overdue. Then I went
out to dinner to grab a burger at this new restaurant in town. My aunt had said it was really expensive, but I didn't
think it was. She's pretty cheap, anyway. Then I came here to the fitness center and am pretty much zoning out.
I don't know. I've been feeling down for the past few days for no particular reason. I wonder if I have a chemical
imbalance, or something, but I'm smiling my way through it. I just have been feeling down for no apparent reason.
I also feel like writing, but have no clear topic at the moment. Saturday I'm going to my cousin's wedding, as I said
before, and I know I'll be seeing a lot of family members I haven't seen in a very long time, which means they'll all think
I look great, and blah blah blah... I'm going to dress to impress, but in my family that just means wearing a shirt
with a collar. Well, since there's nothing left to say, guess I'll say the nothing that's left, huh? Oh, I was
going to get gung-ho about another workout schedule, but maybe it was the boredom of doing laundry, or the fact that I didn't
take a shower until the afternoon, or the that make me feel like I'm in slow motion, but I somehow lost all of the enthusiasm
and copped out. Speaking of cops, why did I pass so many on my way home last night? What is it with these guys?
In a small town like this, nothing more exciting than cow tipping ever happens, so why do we need so many police? Seriously,
they are truly a harrassment in our town. They pull over anybody for anything. I don't even get pulled over, really,
but I think they are such a nuisance. There is even one cop a couple of towns over that was on the front page of the
paper because he gave both his elderly mother and his own daughter a ticket for speeding. They're becoming worse than
lawyers around here. And they just drive taxes through the roof because we have to foot the bills for them to keep pulling
us over in their speed traps (of which there seem to be an unlimited number). I guess I've ranted about that long enough.
Tameika stayed home for the second day in a row for a cold that only seems to affect her until Mom and Dad leave for work.
She misses at least one day of school per week, and she's only in Kindergarten! I didn't fake sick until I was halfway
through highschool! Kids these days! What I really can't understand is why I care so much. Anyway, I've
gotten my rant out of the way for today, so I guess I should go do something productive, like play games online for the next
hour or so, waiting for myself to grow one day older. Man, I'm even starting to be a drag to me!
been in this much pain in a long time. I started a new workout program that I got from a magazine in the mail, and I've
been sticking strictly to it. But man, is my chest and arms in some serious agony. I had forgotten how bad it
is right after you start a new workout program. I've also decided to lay off the scale for awhile, possibly until right
before my tummy tuck, because I know I'm gaining weight, but I'm sure it's muscle. I've been eating six small meals
a day like you're supposed to, and all this exercise I'm doing is already making a big difference in how my muscles look.
So avoiding the scale really isn't a bad idea because it'll just discourage me from my ultimate goal of getting ripped!
But on the downside, I know I'm going to be laid up for a while after the surgery. I talked with Catrina last night,
who had her tummy tuck six months ago, and she pretty much put the fear of God into me. But in her defense, she told
me after the horror, that she didn't take any pain medicine at all after the first day of surgery because she s the feeling
of being "loopy" more than anything. I can't say as I have the same sentiments in that matter! me up! Just
don't let me feel any pain! Speaking of pain, have I mentioned I'm in agony from working out? Oh yeah. Just
thought I'd bring it up again. Well, time to head to Bruno's and have some stirfry. Mmmmm, stirfry......
believe I almost forgot my two year anniversary! Wow, how time flies! Two years to the day, I was lying in my
hospital bed, in a drugged up stupor, dry heaving because of anesthesia. 427 pounds! Wow, what a fat ass I was!
Anyway, I worked out and now I'm hanging with Jessika, the cutie who works here at IROC with me. Wow, two years, and
no time to spare, so gotta run!
hardly believe myself just how jam-packed with activity the past few days have been. On Saturday, the gym was nearly
dead. Only Deveney and a new friend, Michael, were there. It was the last day of my first week back working out,
and after some dead lifts and biking for twenty minutes (not to mention the other hundred exercised I did), I went and jumped
in the shower. Right before I got in, I ate a protein bar like always. I didn't think much of it. Well,
about five minutes into the shower, my shoulders and chest started to feel weak and a little sore. I thought it was
odd because I hadn't worked those parts of my body in about four days, so I just brushed it off. Then I started feeling
really sick and like I had to go to the bathroom really bad. I didn't know what was going on, but all of a sudden I
fell to the left and landed on the floor. I was really getting scared at this point. I sat up and leaned against
the wall, the water still pouring down on me, and I felt my pulse. It was really faint, and I didn't seem to have any
other pain, so I didn't think it was a heart attack. But I was really beginning to get scared by this point. I
started thinking how I needed to fall on the floor so that, hopefully, someone would see where I fell and come to help me,
but then I thought about how empty the building was. Michael was still working out, and Deveney wouldn't be going into
the men's locker room, so I just sat there stunned. Finally I thought, I either have to pass out here or try to get
some help. I kept thinking, I can't just let myself die here! I turned off the water, somehow forced
myself back into the chair, and headed for the lockers. I was soaking wet, but with a towel, and I thought, even if
this is an emergency, I can't just go out to the front desk in a towel. I went to my locker and started putting on my
clothes. I only got one sock on when I heard somebody come in to use the bathroom. I hollered to see if it was
Michael, and if he could help me. He said it wasn't, but that he would be there in just a second. Well, Michael
walked around the corner and said he was just kidding with me. (I had only met him that day, though we've worked out
together a few times since.) I told him how I was feeling, and he just shrugged and asked if I had the water on pretty
hot. I didn't think it was all that hot, but he said that he used to work on the ambulance squad at his school, and
his ex-girlfriend had done the same thing before. Apparently if you take a hot shower after an intense workout, your
body will overheat and pass out. I had to admit that, even though it had only been about a minute since I had gotten
out, I felt better. I then felt like a big dumbass. He didn't think much of it and said to just be more careful
and told colder showers. Then he packed up and left, and I wasn't done showering, so I went and got back in... with
much cooler water. The worst of the whole ordeal is that I really thought I was dying, and nobody even seemed to care.
I was really traumatized by the whole thing, but even when I got home, my family didn't seem to care all that much.
Oh well, guess I made a mountain out of a mole hill. Then on Sunday, I went back for the finals. In the first
round of the finals, all the contestants had to sing a song, and then the five highest scores from that round went on to a
sing off round. Well, two songs later and I had three hundred bucks in my hand and a handshake or pat on the back from
every person in the room. People kept coming up saying they couldn't believe such a beautiful voice came out of me when
I got up there. I was just happy to have the dough! Ha ha, and then after the contest was over, most of the people
left, but I stuck around and sang for about another hour or so. It was a lot of fun. Then today I had my pre-op
meeting with the plastic surgeon. He said that he only expects to take off eight pounds, but he didn't even look at
my body. Either way, if the stomach is not flabby and saggy, I'm happy. And I stopped in to see Michelle from
the gastric bypass department. She's the one that was so nice to me when I was going through it all, when nobody else
there seemed to have much of a soul. She seemed delighted to see me and insisted I was "so thin" and "so handsome",
and even said that, because of my hair, I look like Rob Thomas. (No, it's not long, but it does look similar to his
debut album hair-do.) That's actually the third or fourth time I've heard that I look like him, but the first since
surgery, the first person not online, and the first time I sort of believed it. Ha ha, it's good to not be humongous
anymore. God, I can't be thankful enough. Everyday is a blessing that I'm not over four hundred pounds anymore.
It's probably the endorphins from all the exercise I've been doing lately, but I've been a lot happier this last week, even
though it doesn't seem like all that much has changed. The weather certainly hasn't gotten better! But I'm still
more happy today than I've been in quite some time. Well, guess I should go share the wealth, woo hoo!
Go to Next Month (June 2005)