The Fat Crawler Experience
Journal (November 2005)
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My Journal for November 2005

November 9, 2005
My life is verifiably insane.  Let's see, it's been a while since I wrote, so let's play catch up.  We had a snow storm here a few days before Halloween.  It was freakish and bizarre, but probably had something to do with the hurricane.  We got about a foot and a half in approximately twelve hours.  Trees were broken in half all over the place.  My parents sell tires as part of their living.  Dad couldn't do it alone and I wasn't about to let him.  I learned how to remove and put on tires very quickly, and ended up doing a majority of the lifting because my dad's back gave out.  I didn't mind it at first, and they paid me quite a bit for the incovenience.  However, my own back soon started giving out from all of the lifting.  Tires are not light.  But being the eternally nice son that I am, it came down to either my dad's back or mine being sacrificed.  I kept lifting.  The power was out here for over five days in some places, and the temperature was in the fifties and low sixties by the following weekend, which is unheard of around here in November.  It's supposed to start snowing again tomorrow, but warm up again by the weekend... this is Twilight Zone shit.  Moving on, Dad and Mom's marriage has been crumbling before their eyes, and I'm trying to play the fence as well as possible while not being blamed or dragged too much into it all.  (Ugh, there are some people arguing behind me about which is correct: "pancake" or "pannycake"?  I'm not saying a word.)  So finally last night, after about two weeks of rumors and fights and exaggerated truths and my own trying to find a form of escapism, Mom said she was getting seperated from Dad... but she's not moving out... or even sleeping in a different bed.  I believe she's calling it an "emotional seperation", which has so far proved to mean that they're going to do the same things they've been doing without the guilt of hurting the other person.  I wonder if I ever really left the Twilight Zone.  I also met a couple of really interesting older gentlemen, Frank and Lou.  Frank is a former teacher who recently got divorced and is now living in his antique truck on the waterfront until his new teaching job starts next semester.  Lou is an anesthesiologist with a huge past that I know he's dying to tell me all about, but he just hasn't run into me during a time when he's not out the door.  Then last week I got pretty sick with the headcold that wouldn't die.  It kept changing forms, from soar throat and headache, to uncontrollable sneezing and chest congestion.  I'm still a little stuffed up now, and my throat still hurts randomly for about twenty minutes at a time, but I'm certainly a lot better than I had been.  While I was sick, I lied around the house watching television, eating and sleeping.  I eventually got back to the gym about six days after it started, and somehow had managed to lose another two pounds, making the total that I've lost 206 pounds.  It's so funny seeing myself in the mirror without a shirt on.  I even surprise myself at this point, with as much upper torso muscle definition that I have.  I'm starting to look like a start-up body builder with a set of sagging boobs.  Nasty at best.  Speaking of sagging skin, my thighplast is supposed to be one month from today.  I still haven't gotten any paperwork, so I hope it's all okay.  And I also started going to Church again, and plan to take adult Cathechism classes so I can get confirmed.  I hadn't been to Church in a really long time, and last Sunday when I went, there were fewer than ten people under sixty years old.  It was such a shock to me, that I've resolved to start going again, and hopefully get some of my Catholic friends to come along.  A new friend from IROC, named Faith, said she would love to come when I asked her, and she said she's get her parents to come along.  I also joined the Christmas choir, of which I am the youngest person there by about thirty years.  They all know the songs (though quite out of tune), so I'm going to have a little catch up session next Monday night before practice, with the organist.  It's directed by my fifth grade teacher, Sr. Francis, who I found out is only one of three remaining nuns at our local convent.  Apparently about five have died in the last couple of years.  When I was a kid, there must have been at least twenty.  It's scary times.  Even during the sermon last Sunday, they said a special prayer to help young people find their way to the calling because the situation is getting so desperate.  Well, I suppose these are modern times and the Catholic Church hasn't exactly had a great reputation recently, between the accusations, lawsuits, and The Divinci Code.  As sad as it seems to me, I think it will be amazing if the Catholic Church of the United States lasts another fifty years.  I know it will go on in places like Mexico, but it's evident that the Church is on its last legs.  Well, I also spent a lot of time recently learning some Dutch.  I finished the whole program I bought, and now need to find some way to continue on with it.  Oh, and I got a sort of job offer last week to start teaching English to foreign kids living about forty minutes from here, so I may be doing that, depending on the pay and benefits and etc.  Well, I guess I should head out, but besides my parents heading to Divorceville (which I don't necessarily see as a bad thing), life has been great.  I have kickboxing tonight, I've been making tons of friends, losing weight and eating right, reading a lot and cutting out almost all television, working hard, saving money, and things are finally taking big turns for the better.  If I can only keep this awesome momentum, nothing will be able to get me down.
November 15, 2005
The other night, karaoke was a lesson in pain.  I'm tired of none of my friends ever showing up.  Well, while I was leaving (early, I might add), some dumb friend of my worthless brother, David, cornered me and started asking me a million questions about where he was.  As I was trying to break away, a girl I hadn't seen in about seven or eight years walked by.  We both did a double take.  Each of us looked a lot different, and there was some kind of a connection there.  I actually went to school with her for years, both in Catholic school and highschool, but I mostly figured that she hated me, just like anybody else that ever went there.  I can't remember ever having really talked to her, but I did say hi to her there, but she didn't stop to talk because of this other girl.  Well, she got in her car and left, but I kept thinking about her, and what a strong connection we seemed to have, even if it was only for a second.  Well, I resolved to track her down and somehow convince her to go out to dinner with me sometime without appearing to be completely psycho.  I mean, seriously, I've never even said more than ten words to this girl in my life.  Well, after a couple of phone calls to random people in the phonebook with the same last name, I talked to her dad who gave me her cellular number.  Apparently she lives in Burlington, where I went to college, and had just been up for the weekend.  It nearly ended right there.  But for some reason, I called her number.  She answered, and it was weird how much we clicked instantly.  We ended up talking for almost an hour just about random stuff, and she said she'd be happy to let me take her out.  However, she wasn't really planning on coming up again until around Christmas, except for one day for Thanksgiving.  So I told her that if I had to wait that long, that she's going to have to expect me to call again pretty soon.  Ha ha, it was such a great conversation, and she seemed genuinely happy and surprised that I had called.  I'm so glad I did.  (I probably never should have said a word about arm hair, but let's not go there... give me a break, I'm new at this!)  So we both laughed a lot, it was very random, and I'm now in complete shock that I haven't at least been this girl's friend for a long time.  I mean, I've known her since fifth grade!  But honestly, if we had been friends, I probably wouldn't be going out anywhere with her.  And I guess I should be thankful for that other dumb girl, because I would never have been sitting there in front of Kathy's car if it hadn't been for her.  It's funny how things work out like that.  Oh, and Deveney emailed me today.  I saw her about a week ago.  She came into IROC while I was working out, and she commented on how much weight I must have lost in the last month or so.  She looked super-cute, too.  Anyway, she said that she wants to either go to dinner and a movie, or a day of shopping in Burlington, but with her I think she has being just friends more in mind, and that's fine with me.  Of course I'm very open to any possibilities with her, but I don't think she's interested like that.  Well, so much for my escapades.  At least I'm getting out of the house.  Oh, and besides going back to Church, like I said before, I did end up joining the Christmas Choir.  I'm actually doing a solo: The First Noel... in my falcetto voice.  It doesn't go all that high in my range, but I definitely have to practice and be sure to warm up some first.  And I've been cooking a lot lately, too.  I might actually add a recipes page of my favorite things that I invent.  They come out so well that it's a shame others can't have some, too.  I'll have to think about that, though.  How many hours do I have in a day, anyway?  Not to mention I'm still working out four or five days per week, volunteering on Friday nights at IROC, making time to hang out with my older friend, Frank, working for Mom and Dad, setting aside time to keep in touch with my long distance friends (Cara, Andrea, Kari, Meggan, and Catrina for example, which I haven't been doing such a great job of, as late), finding time to read all the books I checked out of the library, studying my languages, and still not missing Desperate Housewives, Lost, GlobeTrekker, or Boston Legal (which I'm missing as I write this...).  Unfortunately, my television hours have been cut dramatically, but this point in my life is certainly anything but mundain and boring, so I'll have to see about that whole Recipes page.  Of course, now I'll obsess over it until I create one, so I'll probably go home and work on it tonight.  I should try not to have anymore bright ideas for a while, ha ha.  Oh yeah, and I'm having surgery in about three weeks, right?  Forgot about that.  Hmm, I guess I'll cross that bridge when I come to it... if it doesn't burn down before I get to the horizon.  And I'm also supposed to be studying for my Catechism with a teacher I can't seem to get in touch with.  Oh yeah, and I'm also thinking about going on a retreat to a monastery in Massachusetts to live like a monk for a weekend.  I've always wondered what it would be like, and I saw this ad on the bulletin board at Church, so I might think about doing it after I get on my feet again.  I'm not trying to be all crazy about my religion or anything like that, but I honestly can't believe how much my life has improved in just the last two weeks since I started going again.  It's been great, not at all weird, and I honestly feel like a better person just for doing it.  And I'm surprised to see how many people I know that are going.  Two weeks ago there were hardly any young people, but then last weekend there were a whole bunch, so I was really happy to see that.  Well, it's supposed to warm up and get blustery tonight, but it was raining and cold when I got here, so I'm going to head home because I'm freezing and hungry.  Tot ziens!
November 29, 2005
Time flies when the world around you is crumbling.  Where to begin?  Mom and Dad are pretty much moving to Splitsville, population: them.  Dad slept somewhere else last night while Mom filled me in on most details.  There's a slight chance that they might work things out, if they cared enough to and were willing to sacrifice every emotion either of them has ever had.  Anyway, I'm attempting to stay blissfully uninvolved while still being as supportive as possible.  I've also been eating like a pre-op patient going on the Last Supper Syndrome binge.  Well, maybe not that bad, but certainly been eating poorly and in too large of quantities.  Oh yeah, and it's possible that my seventeen year old brother got his girlfriend pregnant... again, except the other one wasn't pregnant and he isn't with that one anymore, anyhow.  I don't know if she is, but apparently had an appointment to find out.  And I'm really trying to be the calm through all this storm, but it's not an easy roll to play.  Just gotta do the best I can.  Speaking of which, I have to go pick up Tyrone from basketball practice before my little sister's school has a big meeting to see if they are closing or not, because the Catholic school I went to as a kid can't afford to stay open because of low enrollment.  Mom's gone with her friend, so I'm filling the spot.  Sounds like good times...  Just keep smiling and don't drop the ball, right?  Oh well, it's not the first time the whole world rested on these shoulders, so fortunately this is familiar territory.

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