The Fat Crawler Experience

Journal (September 2006)

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My Journal for September 2006

September 9, 2006
Things are changing.  Things have changed.  Many very good.  Some, not so great.  I'm about to get very personal about my life, which may be shocking and disappointing, and may not be, depending who you are and what your background and viewpoint is.  You've been warned.  So let's start with something not so overwhelming.  I got a new job working for a temp agency.  I currently have one week left of my assignment.  I work for a student loan consolidation company.  It's the nicest, most liberal place I've ever seen.  The people are amazing.  I'm convinced I'm going blind from staring at the massive screens I use, all day long, but I love the place.  I've made friends there, which makes it kind of bittersweet to leave.  But I've already been told that in November, I'll probably be placed back there.  After next week, I'll be working in a company that restores antique books.  That sounds different, and the pay is a dollar more an hour.  I also interviewed for a position in the disabilities outreach office at the University of Vermont.  The woman called me and said that out of thirty-six people, it was between me and another girl, and after several hours of going in circles, they went with her.  You know how you can just feel rejection when somebody says hello when you answer?  Yeah.  She didn't even have to tell me.  But that's cool.  I've also put in to be permanent with the loan place I work now, but they still haven't decided who to hire.  I also sold a vehicle (one of the ones that broke down on me) for a substantial amount, and my bills have been decreasing wonderfully.  I also quit the call center.  I was working both, but the sixty hours a week schedule was killing me.  I was so tired at the end of the day, I couldn't sleep.  I would just go out and party and come home at three-ish and pass out drunk for a couple hours and get up to do it all again the next day.  I was hardly living.  So I called the boss at the call center and said I absolutely had to have a day off because I was close to having a breakdown.  He said if I didn't show up, I would be fired.  I said that I guessed I would quit then, because I had to sleep.  That same day, my (now ex) friend Elizabeth came over.  Her birthday was the next day, and she was driving to Plattsburgh to go dancing.  I was so tired I couldn't stop shaking.  She practically guilt tripped me into going, but she was my friend, so I was willing to sacrifice my sanity so she could have a good time.  It was an hour drive each way.  I went in my car so I could drive home afterward, and she and two other gay guys (she's a fag hag) went in the other car.  When we got to the town, they sped up and ditched me there.  I sat on the street for two hours while they didn't call or text or anything.  I was so tired, so mad, so hurt... I drove home, crying most of the way, with no idea why they would do that and how she could have the fucking gaul to treat me like that, especially when I was so overtired and doing her a favor.  She still hasn't called me, and she probably shouldn't because I won't be nice.  She's just like most of the Burlington losers I've met.  Works some dumb job for a few weeks, never has money, and of course I always have to cover her.  I've had it with flakes and leeches.  I don't work my ass off to pay for every cheap-ass person that walks by me.  Another guy, Eric, practically did the same thing.  I had just got out of work and he called me begging to come to this stupid house party he was having in the next town over.  I had just worked fourteen hours straight and was so tired, and the last thing I wanted was to hang with him (who, big surprise, I also always covered when we went out...) when I needed sleep.  Well, he begged and I gave in.  I drove way over there, and called him for directions on which house it was.  After I sat there ten minutes because he wasn't answering his phone, he finally picked up.  He told me he'd call me back in a few minutes and I said that if he didn't give me directions then, I was going home.  He actually said, "Oh, well just go home and I'll call you."  Fuck no he didn't.  I drove home quite angrily, went and hung with some girls that live in my building, and of course he called the next day saying how, "You know how it is.  These things happen."  I started laughing, hung up, and said, "Not to me."  I am so done with these people.  I found out later he's addicted to cocaine really badly, so I guess it's better this way.  But damn, what is it with people around here?  Another guy, just a friend, said to meet him downtown on Sunday night because he got out of work late, but he really wanted to see me.  So at nine o'clock I went down there, sat for nearly an hour, and then went home.  Once again, one more loser.  Moving on... I was slutting around horribly.  After my birthday, I decided I needed to slow down.  It was getting kind of bad, as I just felt I was disrespecting myself.  I was fooling around with guys I just wouldn't even want to be friends with, and that's no way to be.  So I stopped... until two nights ago.  Ugh, I slept with this guy, and I instantly regretted it when I was done.  I hate to judge on looks, but his teeth were just nasty.  He had several rotten or missing, but I never kissed him once!  But I just shouldn't have done it.  I mean, we didn't have full on sex or anything, but he just was kind of slow, too.  And smoked a lot, and was just weird.  But I was kind of drunk, and it had been several weeks, so I did it.  And then my friends down the hall had to give him a ride home because I was not about to let him stay over.  I feel bad that it took place at all, because I'm sure he's a nice enough guy.  But no, it's just not happening like that.  But it's weird, because I've gotten to this better place where I won't hook up with a guy if I really like him.  I guess that's the way you are supposed to do it.  I truly thought that a guy wouldn't want to go out with me again unless I did sleep with him.  That's not the case.  It's the complete opposite.  Never sleep with someone you are truly interested in, on the first date.  But moving on.  The friends down the hall are the newest thing in my life.  They are these three straight guys, big guys, who work for armored truck services.  They're a rough bunch at times, but they're nice and genuine.  They actually call me to hang out with no alterior motives, and we've become like best friends in the past week.  We hang out almost every day, for hours.  I think it has more to do with them also being from Vermont, but not Burlington.  They are good ol' boys from a back home place, where people are actually and honestly nice.  You watch out for your buddies and you follow through with what you say.  I'm so glad I've met them.  My housemate, Theresa, is dating one of them, but it's all good.  We're like a big family that found each other when we moved away from home.  I'm just glad to have a niche where it's not a cliche homo-sit-down, ha ha.  We actually talk about other stuff, and we go places, and just chill.  It's good to have some normal, level-headed conversation.  Well, I guess that's a pretty good overview of what has been going on in my life.  Who knows where I'll be soon, but let's hope it stays on this higher-end wave for a while.

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